Okay, fat chicks, please stop requesting Trina's new song 'Single Again'. You're not single again, you just got ass raped in the Lounge bathroom, again. That is not a relationship. That is a business transaction for another Long Island date rape Tea. No, I don't have it, will never have it. When you ask why, I really want to puke on your over exposed cleavage, but I also want to keep my job so I'll just tell you that i forgot to download it. WHUPS! I FORGOT TO DOWNLOAD IT....on your fucking face. Get a life. And please come back and spend your minimum wage Burger King paycheck.

Also, middle aged guys with a gut and a goatee, please don't ask me for some 'breakdance, y'know, breakdance...like wikki wikki wikki n shit'. No, I don't know...I mean, I do, but I'm playing a solid set of roots... music I actually don't mind and I'm forgetting where I am for 10 minutes you fuck. Sorry, I mean, "Oh yeah, I'll get that right on".
Breakdance your ass off you crippled excuse for a human being with a life.

Speaking of backbreaking, don't make a request and tell me you're going to give me 10 bucks to play it and then give me 7. Fuck sake, 7 is not 10. Thank you Miami-Dade school system for manufacturing some of the most impressive reasons to keep abortion legal. Jesus saves, etc.

Still on breakdancing...
Sunday Andy Smith from Portishead played at the Lounge. Who cares. I checked out about 5 minutes of 'UK breakbeat' after I was forced to get off of my chair (in my underwear, watching MMA eating a salad) in order to fix a sound issue. "I can't get no sound in the headphones". Look, next time, stay home and figure out how a MOTHERFUCKING DJ mixer works. Turntables plug into the PHONO jacks. They have a different IMPEDANCE than line levels. You'll actually get a signal and I won't have to get off of my ass and bring an extra turntable from my set up because you think one is acting 'sticky'. Jesus, you can't DJ your way out of an HIV positive cat's ass. STAY HOME AND PRACTICE. This goes for all of you wack ass suck-n-fuck cociane whore DJ's...pretty much 98.9% of Miami....Stay home, do yourself a favor.
Ah, whatever. This city wouldn't know quality unless it was served with free drinks and syphilis. Then it'd be something familiar
.
and still with the breakdancing...
If you're gonna have a 'rapper' 'band'', please leave Kenny G and the Jamsters out of it. If I wanted to hear smooth jazz improvised poorly with 'yo, here we go, we're in the flow and you know that we blow, yiggidy yoyoyo' I'd put on an US3 record and send more hate mail to Blue Note.

Also, to the guys in the parking lot, that was the best fight I've seen, EVER!!! seriously, it made me sick to my stomach. Foot stomp to the face? check. Knee to the head? check (multiple) Full force hip toss? check. Piledriver onto asphalt? oh yes. And that was just the first minute. But a word to the guy that caught the worst (not that there was a best)...try not saying 'Is that all you got?' over and over. That's why you got choked out in the end and had to have the fight stopped while you tried to walk away and got melon punched over and over...You were out of gas from talking so much. But really, kudo's for the broken bones, concussion's, split faces and brain damage. Very entertaining. When you asked 'how did I do, did I win...' I wasn't sure if you meant in life or the fight. Either way, I don't think there were any winners there. Good luck with that long term memory loss.

I'm gonna go rest all day and race tomorrow. See you in the club.

PLAYLIST
-Bob Sinclair-World Hold On (I always think of douchbags in convertibles balding when I hear this, it makes me smile)
-Trick Daddy-Dro In the Wind, Take It To The House
-Beenie Man-Who Am
-TOK-Chi Chi Man (I enjoy playing hate monger songs to people that have no idea what is being said and sing along)
Biggie On 45 (thank you serato for that pitxh adaption software, I can now mix shitty clib rap fatster)

I tried to forget the rest....

Well, let's see here.....ate some jerk chicken out of the back of a white 'rasta imposta' car in ft. lauderdale at 4AM. not a good idea. had to do a cleanse after that.
Nastie and I went to Orlando on wednesday to play a show that was nothing short of fucking weird. Hey promoters, try not doing tons of blow and then shorting us on the cash, okay? OKAY!!!
And then to top it off, how about having some fucking beer at the place where we're going to stay. And try not having a bunch of butch lesbians farting around and doing more coke all 'secretive' like. it's not secret when three people sneak off into a closet for 30 seconds. We don't care, don't do coke, don't like it, etc. But at least act like a human and be proud of your lame ass drug ingestion instead of pretending like you're all happy and shit and life is good and you're sober as all get up. What's that? We're taking you to lunch? Usually it's the other way around, seeing how we just drove 4 hours for peanuts and less cash than agreed upon. FUCKSAKE. I like you and you're nice and all, but WTF, don't have us buy you lunch and then spend half of the meal on your cell phone talking to people about how 'the music was the bomb, but there just were not enough heads' blah blah blah BOO HOO. Vomit.

And then Friday, club land, who cares. Money.
Saturday stayed home and watched Barbie movies.
Sunday did HIP HOP Karoke after locking my fucking keys in my car, being in a hurry to get to the gig an hour early, waiting for a locksmith, getting to the gig an hour 'late' and no one is even fucking there. There are reasons I am taking classes.

That's right, by NYE I will be a certified personal trainer. Wanna get buff, lose weight, gain confidence? I am your man. Every Sunday in 2008 you can attend 'Hipster Boot Camp' and get your soft fluffy angled hair cut ass beat in to shape for 5 bucks. Work off that hangover the old fashioned way, shut the fuck up and give me 20.

I gotta go to the airport now. Courtney as all Mr. International Hotel designer and shit. Someone needs to take care of him. FUCK YEAH!!! USA!

weekend report

hardee's
honk honk
wonka wonka
pedro?
sexually frustrated badger
toilet

weekend report

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weekend report

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i'm starting to see after reading all of theses posts that any musical soul i had when i came down here has been eaten by this shithole city. shithole only in a musical 'scene' sense. nothing to blame but myself and money. i have not written any worthwhile music in a loooooong time.
i've cranked out a few things, but most of it is half baked shit. cable television and breaking 5 minutes for the mile is a lot more interesting to me than any music, outside of a stack of funk records Dong gave me to make space. It's time to sample, time to fight back with music, time to stop caring about Miami and it's scene of shit, scene of over fed fake ass hip hop wannabe's. Fuck 'em all, the goddamn gabber kickdrum is making a come back, the distortion pedal is coming out of hiding and y'all can eat a bowl of dick.

Damn, I sound like I'm 19 again, that's nice. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

GUNG GUNG GUNG GUNG FUCK FUCK FUCK GUNG GUNG.

And no more fucking requests, fuck you you stupid fucking bitches. Go back to kendall, hialeah, where ever. Do more shitty cocaine and die. Get drunk , get syphilis, and DIE, today, right now, in your Acura talking on your cell phone about tonight's party and the guy you sucked off in the parking lot all last week. Fucking die. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. OMFG!!!!!! I'm texting while I'm driving Jenny, can you fucking feel me? I blew him on the hood of his chevy, etc, etc, etc.

DEATH.

weekend report

Friday:
199 songs....tried everything, but when you're playing to cattle with booze it can wear. A sober night always beats a drunk night at the lounge. Raggae, Dancehall, crunk, old school, etc., etc.., etc.

Playlist:
Snoop Dogg's greatest hits megamix
Notorious BIG powermix
Roots Mix (Althea and Donna, Tenor Saw, Dawn Penn, etc.)
Buju Banton-3 in a row
Mims-This Is Why It's Fucking Played Out but still works for the Friday night crowd airhorn remix
Party Like A rocktard remix (Young Weezy bay-bay!)
Crank Dat (meow mix.....meow moew meowmeow......genius)

Sunday:
Chocolate Sunday.....
Hey! It's a drunken spelling bee that lasts too fucking long and alienates people that want to hear music!!!!!!!! Jaeger dood! DUDE! Your word is lethargic.
A couple of guests played, running through old school hits like a crack whore runs through AIDS tests. Induce and I tag teamed for the rest of the morning.

combined playlist:

Bart Simpson-Do The Bartman
Chemical Bros. Feat. Fatlip-Salmon Dance
Aesop Rock-None Shall Pass
RJD2-a bunch in a row
Source Spoken: "DJ Doormouse on the one's and two's.....ladies, get your asses on the dancefloor!"
Micahel Jackson-Black Or White
Hoochie Coochie La La La

almost forgot....

August 11th went to St. Louis to do a 'Rave'. Got scooped up, went to the hotel, and then went to a BBQ in the hood. It was 'real'. Check out that grill....q-u-a-l-i-t-y. Really strange mix of folk. Locals, hippies, rave casualties, etc. I drank shitty beer and scotch to deal with the situation. Not the best idea.




Went to the rave after a nice dinner at a brew pub. More beer. Yep. The rave was at a warehouse. Very dark, underground feeling. Only thing missing was a proper soundsystem. I am always amazed when someone will pay for flights, fees, hotels, meals and all that and then drop 500 watts of sound into a place that needs at least 10,000. The show must go on. Ran everything into the red, freaked out x 10, drank too much beer, etc. Back to the hotel, airport, home.

Wow. Went to NYC with Nastie and his crew....
Ummmmmm.....
5 people in a hotel with the bathroom in the hall. Check.
Spirit air zero leg room flight. Check.
Lack luster show with sound guy that walked away from the board. Check.
OKAY THEN!



Last week....
Friday did Purdy. New Britney and too much something in a glass.
Saturday did Pawn Shop. Hello. Thank You for the money. Good night.
Sunday rocked Purdy with Contra on four decks. He was in the middle of a 10 day fast. I was handed a blunt every 4 minutes. It wasn't pretty but people loved it, outside of the crew that told us we sucked because we wouldn't play "I'm So Hood". Ugh.

fock it

well, it's been a bit....
gigs, more gigs, music, triathlons, salad, whey protein, etc.

current top 10 in no order

Usher, R. Kelly, T-Pain-Same Girl Remix
Oompa Loompa Remix
Kanye West-Stronger
Bal-Sogoth-The Ravening
Idonia-Chicken Head
Hasil Adkins-I Need Your Head
Richie Spice-Youths Dem Cold
Captain Ahab-A lot of their stuff
Justice-DJ Funk Remix
Nastie-Jewish Zombie Jesus

video fart

Skelechairs Video....enjoy

Summertime and everything's groovy.

Wisconsin is beautiful in the summer and Milwaukee keeps reminding me why my blood pressure and pulse is a full 15% lower (fact) when i am in the midwest. Lots of green, lots of mellow people, lots of whole foods for cheap, lots of Spotted Cow. Wednesday night I got the chance to play alongside Jordan aka DJ MadHatter aka Mr. Marsh. What started as a night of people asking for 'Wipe Me Down" and "Buy You A Drank" ended up as a hilarious after school special involving several people (thanks for getting it started Angelus) getting American Idol on the mic whil I ran instrumentals of every hip hop hit in the last 20 years. Ended the night with Captain Ahab to the delight of a few. Thursday I was invited to the smoke filled basement feeling bar V-Bar (complete with basement bathroom and no smoke eater, but two fans pushing the smoke deeper into your lungs). Why-B and D-On popped it off (literally, with the over the top pop) and I opened the mic back up (big up to Angelus and Burns and a few others for getting stupid).
Friday brought Anonymous to town for a night that included a pre show BBQ with Chuck Le Fuk (geriatric DJ cummunity liason), JuiceBoxxx(teenage sensation) and Dong (1998 Shepard Express Club DJ of the Year....holler!). A great night of fun and music in the ample and ready Artbar. Chuck opened, I played booty DJ, Josh rocked it 4/4 house style then dropped the amen jungle, then my sister and bro-in-law did their 'Haz-mat Hippie' performance, and I played new songs that I composed recently.

Wisconsin still holds on to my heart. I love the open space, the smells (yeast on I-94) and the folks.

Weekly update

Here we go.
Tuesday took me to On Top at Purdy, mixing records with Matt Cash. A little strange energy, rather empty, but I had fun dropping obscure 45's and taking naps. Wednesday I jumped in the
SUV and took a ride to Orlando to DJ Uncut, a party put on by artist Dustin Orlando. Apparently, there was some 'scene' drama, as this thing is at an upscale cocktail lounge, and the bar across the way opened up a dollar drink night. Anyway, played lots off booty bass, etc. Took the Amtrak home (fuck, that takes a long time) and went to Ft. Lauderdale to spin the thursday night at Poorhouse. A back-breakingly low table, no monitor, a crossfader with a dip in the middle, but none-the-less, a good time mixing lots of broken electronics and metal. Friday back at the Purdy Lounge for Yo Mama, a night that is always packed and always goes off. Saturday night I had an early one and woke up at 5:30 to get set for the 2nd Crandon Park triathlon of the series of three.
I dod not hit my personal best, but with zero training and too much night club life, I still feel good about finishing strong. The next one is August 22nd and I'll break that hour barrier if it kills me.

Playlists:

Tuesday
I-95 Asshole song
Rodeo Theme
Country Moog
Squarepusher-Fatcontoller

Wednesday
Uncle Al
Dj Funk
2 Live Crew
Ghost Town DJ's
Debbie Deb

Thursday
Aphex Twin-Window Licker and Come To Daddy
Bal Sogoth-The Ravening
Squarepusher-RedHotCar
Danzig-Mother
Slayer-Raining Blood
Senor Coconut-Beat It

Friday
Michael Jackson-6 songs in a row
Prince-3 in a row
Biggie-4 in a row
raggae power mix
old school power mix
Wu Tang-bring the ruckus
electro bass power mix
club rap megamix
and too much more

Chocolate Sunday #272

Contra is back in town. A nice night on four decks. Party music, retardation, mic feedback and 2 minutes of death metal at 4:55am.

Playlist:
Prince-Pussy Control
Dimples D-Jealous Fellas
a bunch of B'more and Miami Bass
raps greatest hits (instrumental versions)
Bal-Sogoth-The Ravening
Anal Cunt-I Respect You As A Woman

Friday the 13th can be summed up in a Collie Budz remix and a dead USB cable. Purdy Lounge heard glitch-tronica for a good three minutes last night as the old cable took a poop. Two people got choked out by security and some guy lost his wallet with $5,000 in it.

In more exciting Dirty Purdy news, they have started serving cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Get your hipster on.

For those of you waiting for the new mixed compact disc, rest assured that it is 3/4 of the way done and includes a drop from DJ Funk. This time we're taking things uptempo with a mix up of Akon, Squarepusher, L'Trimm, Daft Punk, Debbie Deb and everything in betweeen.

Rave On.

Playlist:
Collie Budz remix (bad USB cable mix)
'play some 2Pac' ...okee dokee.
'play that new Timbaland'....yes ma'am.
'play some deep raggae mon'...JAH!!!

Wow, what a weekend.
Flew to St. Louis, picked up by DJ Funk and his homeboys, drove into the middle of no where and got dropped into an outdoor festival two hours before set time. Hung out, drank beer, got ready, played to an awesome crowd, drank more beer, lost my luggage, got taken to the wrong hotel, back to the venue, found my luggage, back to the airport after 90 minutes of sleep, into Miami for dinner and then to the Notorious Nastie show/Chocolate Sunday night. A really good night, good energy and the people didn't know what hit them when Nastie did his thing.

Funk is the man, down to earth and personable. Thanks to Chris and Mike from MKE for taking care of me in the middle of nowhere when things were falling apart...

Man, what a weekend.

fuck

The nights will go quicker, the jams will play better and Miami Beach will cut back its bar time. I got home at 4:45 this morning. That's early. Everyone says, "Have a good night!". It's focking 5am. It ain't the night anymore sweety pie.

Playlist (not in any order, and not even near all of it)

Two new Rick Ross pop songs (he samples Cory Hart and another bad 80's jam)
Hip Hop Hooray
Black Sheep hit
Lil Mama-LipGloss (Original and remix)
New Order-Blue Monday
Uncle Al
L'Trimm-Cars That Go Boom
Boom I Got Your Boyfriend
Collie Budz
Peter John and Bjorn vs. Bad Booty acapella
on and on and on

This is a blog

I made this for blogging. It is all about the blogging.